1. The GOP has agreed to acquire Yahoo.
  2. Carly Fiorina will supervise the layoff of 3m tea partiers
  3. #GOP will acquire Twitter for $50/share
  4. Use remaining campaign funds to buy every combination of Powerball tickets
  5. He has traded all of the assets of the #GOP for a controlling interest in the NFL Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  6. Vladimir Putin has acquired enough #GOP stock to mount a proxy battle and the #GOP is seeking strategic business alternatives
  7. #GOP intends to shut down or divest itself of all evangelical operations so it may focus on greed core competency.
  8. All campaign operations for each #GOP candidate will be immediately moved to Mexico to save costs.