Best Bartending Quotes from Larry Farrell

Larry was formerly a bartender at Bell's Eccentric Cafe in Kalamazoo, MI. His quips were priceless and they were consistently delivered deadpan.
  1. 1.
    A musclehead and his girlfriend walk in. Guy: "I'll have a Winter White and she'll have something girly (pointing to girlfriend) Farrell: "Ok, so you want two Winter Whites?"
  2. 2.
    Obnoxious guy: "I'd like a grande Oberon." Farrell (turning to me as I'm seated next to the guy ordering at the bar): "Hey Crouch, how do you say 'douchebag' in Spanish?"
  3. 3.
    Guy continues to tap his hand on the bar in annoyance while Farrell is finishing up some glasses. Farrell: "For every time you do that, I'm docking you five minutes before I get your pint."
  4. 4.
    Clueless beer tourist looks at the menu board (titled "Today's Beers) and then points at the tap tower: "Are those today's beers?" Farrell: "What else would they be?"
  5. 5.
    Patron attempts to skirt the queue by walking to the corner of the bar. As he does, people continue to queue. Farrell pauses serving the queue, looks down at the guy and says "Hey, I saw that. I'm serving everyone in this line and whomever else walks in before I get you a pint!"
  6. 6.
    I order a pint of Expo Stout from Larry which the menu says is limited to a 12 oz. pour. The guy behind me attempts to order a pint of the same. Farrell: "Sorry, that only comes in a 12 oz. pour." Guy (pointing at me): "But you just poured him one!" Farrell: "You're not him."