Details About a Potential Trump Cabinet

Leaked internal memos from the Trump campaign have started to paint a clearer picture of a Trump administration. Here are some the prominent proposed appointments!
  1. Press Secretary - The Reanimated Corpse of Andrew Breitbart
    The late Breitbart's online news outlet has been pretty firmly in Trump's court this election cycle. They even threw their own reporter under the bus after allegations of abuse from Trump's campaign manager. So Trump will reportedly make this appointment/perform this black magick ritual as a thank you. The real upside is they'll only have to pay him in cocaine.
  2. Secretary of Defense - The Army Guy From Dual Survival
    As Trump said in a leaked memorandum, "it's a good show. Beautiful show. Really terrific." It is unknown which of the three "army guys" he's referring to.
  3. Secretary of Homeland Security - Kevin McCallister
    While Mr. McCallister has no professional background in security or public safety, Trump has assured his campaign staffers that his "close personal friend" is "extremely qualified to deal with threats to the homeland."
  4. Secretary of Energy - Jeb Bush
    As a final humiliating blow to the one-time republican candidate, Trump has floated the idea of naming Bush the Secretary of Energy, changing the name of the Department of Energy to the Department of Low Energy, then ceaselessly mocking the former Florida governor into suicide.