Election Day is Coming!

Guys! It's almost over! Our nation's long dark night is about to either turn into another morning, or something weird and gold plated and vaguely orange. A lot of people are feeling anxious, so here are some helpful things to do to stay positive through the end of this quadrennial nightmare.
  1. Think about all the great art that has arisen from protest!
    As mass protest movements have grown in this country, so has the artistic communities that surround them, so, like, worse comes to worst, we'll have THAT going for us.
  2. Remember: we survived eight years of Bush!
    After eight years of Bush's globally disastrous presidency, we can all take heart in knowing that American institutions can still protect us from truly dangerous politicians. Seen another way, we as a nation elected George W. Bush twice, and deserve whatever calamity befalls us.
  3. Unless something goes terribly wrong, you'll never have to see Gary Johnson's face again!
    That's worth a thousand veto-proof majorities!
  4. Bring doughnuts to your polling place!
    We can all use a sweet treat sometimes, am I right? What's more, if the Trump campaign succeeds in mobilizing their base to get out and intimidate voters, one doughnut is all it will take for those fat fucking hog-beasts to reach 100% arterial congestion and explode in a cloud of racial resentment and butter!
  5. Just have fun out there!
    Just get out there and enjoy it!