FACTS ABOUT THE NEW RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT I'VE JOINED

As a recent, but ardent convert to the Intentionist movement, I've decided to take this opportunity to dispel some rumors and present you with the FACTS about our religion, our movement, and our way of life.
  1. 1.
    It is NOT a cult.
  2. 2.
    We simply believe that through disciplined thought and focused intention, the living spirit is capable of anything!
  3. 3.
    Living beings can be divided into three groups: the Intentioned (those who have practiced the discipline and focus their attention for good), the unintentioned (those ignorant of their own abilities), and the ill-intentioned (those who may have, but often have not practiced the discipline and focus their intentions for evil.)
  4. 4.
    It is DEFINITELY not a cult.
  5. 5.
    It was founded in 1983 by a man named Lawrence Goodwin, known thereafter as Lawrence the Intentioned.
  6. 6.
    In what he later described as a "state of heightened intentioned-ness," he was awakened with knowledge of all languages past and present and even human and alien.
  7. 7.
    With this knowledge, he translated the vivid incantations being chanted all around him by invisible alien beings. These incantations would form the heart of Intentionist thought and cosmology.
  8. 8.
    I... Obviously this isn't a cult. And also, Lawrence the Intentioned was never diagnosed with a mental illness, let alone paranoid schizophrenia!
  9. 9.
    Lawrence the Intentioned learned through his translations that all life on earth is being stored temporarily. Our true home planet was destroyed by galactic invaders, so we were forced to hide on the farthest inhabitable planet (earth) while a force of the highest-intentioned beings rebuilds our home planet.
  10. 10.
    Lawrence the Intentioned was martyred by Federal Agents who, through the lies of the ill-intentioned, were deceived into believing that Lawrence the Intentioned was stockpiling military-grade weaponry and subsidizing his income through drug manufacturing and human trafficking. All of the "evidence" was generated by pure ill-intention!
  11. 11.
    It just, like, SUPER isn't a cult.
  12. 12.
    Our goal in this present life is to maximize awareness and allow all beings to reach their highest level of intentioned-ness.
  13. 13.
    On May 28, 2024, the earth will experience the Cataclysm. Beings from our home planet will return, having finished repairs. The only way to secure safe passage is to rise up with them. There will be no more time to heighten global intentioned-ness. All unintentioned and ill-intentioned beings must be completely eradicated.
  14. 14.
    It... It really isn't a cult.