MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

It's time for a new year, which means it's time to turn over a new leaf! Here are my resolutions!
  1. Be more appreciative of the Mayor
    The Mayor has been one of my key allies over the years, and I really need to be more grateful. Whether he's redirecting police resources, or actively suppressing the work of masked vigilantes, he can always be relied on to aid me in my nefarious plots. He deserves better from me, and I intend to deliver.
  2. Do more for the residents of the city
    The residents of the city really put up with a lot from me, and to them, my actions must appear illogically evil. To many of them, I'm just the guy blowing up the municipal auditorium or setting a boatload of orphans adrift in the river. And what do they get in return? This year I intend to answer that question!
  3. Build stronger relationships with the henchmen
    My henchmen do SO MUCH for me, but I hardly know them at all! I mean, I don't think I could name a single one of them! And they are constantly dying by the hundreds. The least I can do is get to know them.
  4. Just kill those masked vigilantes
    Every time I get one of those masked vigilantes in my lair, I come up with a convoluted plan to kill them in some sort of ironic way, but they always escape! This year, I'm going to keep it simple and just kill them right away.
  5. Lose ten pounds
    It's important to set specific goals. I always resolve to "lose some weight" or "get in shape," but this time, with a firm number, I'm actually going to do it!