Against all the odds, Ohio governor John Kasich is the lone remaining non-swamp-monster republican candidate for the presidential election. The math is very clearly not in his favor, and his funding is drying up. So what is keeping this so-called moderate in it?
  1. Bus Rides!
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    Who DOESN'T want to spend a few months tooling around the country in a bus? Jerry's dead, so Kasich can't follow the Dead around, so he needs another excuse!
  2. His name is John!
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    There has never been a president named Bernard, Donald, Hillary, or Rafael. There have been FOUR presidents named John, so by that metric, his chances look pretty good!
  3. He made certain promises to Nixon!
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    You don't break a promise to Richard Nixon. You just. Fucking. Don't.