Against all the odds, Ohio governor John Kasich is the lone remaining non-swamp-monster republican candidate for the presidential election. The math is very clearly not in his favor, and his funding is drying up. So what is keeping this so-called moderate in it?
  1. Bus Rides!
    Who DOESN'T want to spend a few months tooling around the country in a bus? Jerry's dead, so Kasich can't follow the Dead around, so he needs another excuse!
  2. His name is John!
    There has never been a president named Bernard, Donald, Hillary, or Rafael. There have been FOUR presidents named John, so by that metric, his chances look pretty good!
  3. He made certain promises to Nixon!
    You don't break a promise to Richard Nixon. You just. Fucking. Don't.