TED CRUZ'S RING
Ted Cruz might just be the Republican Party's last best hope against Donald "The Donald" Trump. And that wicked sucks. Why does it wicked suck? Good question! Sure, there are his policy positions that put him to the extreme right of the GOP, his unwillingness to compromise, and his general horribleness as a person, but there's also something worse.
- •His ring!Here is the Texas senator giving a speech about how the poor are a drain on society and we should grind them up and feed them to our steer for better marbling in our beef or whatever the hell else he talks about. And look at that used car salesman-ass ring sitting all fat and gross on his finger.
- •It's terrible. Truly a hideous sight to behold, but it's worse than all that! We used our special technology to get details from the ring's inscription, which reveal Cruz's nefarious intentions.
- •This is truly terrible.