THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES RANKED BY HOW MUCH THEIR ADS SYNC UP TO DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

The primaries are in full swing, and some folks out there just don't know who to vote for. So we're laying out all the candidates' various qualifications! Here are the candidates definitively ranked by how well a compilation of their ads sync up to Pink Floyd's 1973 progressive rock classic, The Dark Side of the Moon!
  1. 6.
    Marco Rubio
    Rubio's campaign ads have segments which can be synced up with Swedish DJ Eric Prydz's remix of "Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2" but that track does not come from the Dark Side of the Moon."
  2. 5.
    Donald Trump
    His campaign ads do not sync up with The Dark Side of the moon at all. However, they do sync up to Floyd's 1979 epic double LP, the Wall.
  3. 4.
    Ted Cruz
    Cruz belongs to a religious group that considers music "the devil's auditory stimulus of choice," so it's probably just coincidence that his ad which lays out his plan to defeat ISIS syncs up perfectly with "The Great Gig in the Sky."
  4. 3.
    Bernie Sanders
    A string of ads that Senator Sanders ran in New Hampshire, when played together, sync up perfectly with "Breathe" and "On The Run." A plan to sync ads up with "Money" was scrapped for being "too on the nose."
  5. 2.
    Hillary Clinton
    Her first round of campaign ads sync up with almost the entire first side of Dark Side. Unfortunately, Secretary Clinton insisted on final cut of the ads and her lack of rhythm really sunk about forty-five seconds on "Time."
  6. 1.
    John Kasich
    Kasich personally spent hours in the editing bay to hook up this fun campaign Easter egg. Look for him to unveil new ads in Ohio when played over Ozzy records will compel listeners to murder his republican opponents.