The Presidential Candidates *RANKED* by ISIS

We recently intercepted internal Islamic State documents pertaining to the US Presidential election. What follows are the thoughts of high level ISIS commanders about our presidential candidates.
  1. 3.
    Bernie Sanders
    Jewish.
  2. 2.
    Hillary Clinton
    She has helped orchestrate a foreign policy that has killed thousands of Muslims, including drone strikes against civilians. However, we do have to give her credit for setting up the ratlines that bring arms and soldiers through Africa and into the caliphate.
  3. 1.
    Donald Trump
    Could you imagine the kind of recruiting tool we would have if the president of the United States had openly called for a ban on Muslims entering the country? We'll be battling the armies of Rome at Dabiq on January 21!