TIPS FOR SPREADING HOLIDAY CHEER

Guys! The Holiday season is upon us, and stress levels are about to RAMP UP! Here are some tips to reduce YOUR stress and spread some Holiday cheer to others!
  1. Be REALLY rich!
    Nothing makes the Yule-tide a little more gay quite like an inordinate amount of disposable income! It doesn't matter how you come across the money, just so long as you have it!
  2. Spend EXACTLY the same amount of money on every gift!
    We all worry about finding that PERFECT gift for everyone on the list. But we don't want to hurt people's feelings when they start comparing price tags! Set a numerical limit on what your loved-ones' joy is worth and apply it uniformly across the board!
  3. Put the "Christ" back in Christmas... AND ELSEWHERE!
    People have been really concerned about the lack of "Christ" in Christmas. So throw them a bone and load up your decorations with images of the unsexualized birth of the savior of over 2 billion of the earth's inhabitants! Also, why not go a step further? Insert Christ into all sorts of traditional celebrations! Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, or even Human Rights Day!
  4. Xanax Cookies!
    Make cookies out of Xanax!
  5. Avoid Politics at the Dinner Table!
    Political discussions are a major no-no at the dinner table during the holidays. So make sure not to bring up politics unless you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that your side of the argument is 100% right and no rational human could possibly disagree!