WILDERNESS SURVIVAL TIPS
With the success of Alejandro Iñárritu's film, The Revenant, and the impending collapse of civilized society, now more than ever it's a good time to start developing the skills necessary for survival in the unforgiving wilderness.
- 1.EvolutionChances are that your current form is insufficient for survival in the elements. Try developing genetic mutations that will maximize your ability to survive! We recommend fur, the ability to breathe underwater, or time travel capabilities. But, hey! They're your genes!
- 2.PhotosynthesisFood sources may get hard to come by in the wilderness. Especially if roving bandits horde it all to extort the remaining human population. So learn to create your own energy using sunlight! It can't be that hard to figure out! Plants can do it!
- 3.BeastmasteryHone your ability to communicate with and exercise control over all animals. Once you are master of all that walks, swims, or flies, you have an entire planet at your disposal!
- 4.TreacheryThe skill that best prepares you for survival in any situation, but especially the wilderness, is an ability and willingness to turn on your fellow man!
- 5.HydrationDon't forget to drink lots of water! Your body needs it!