Ways I Feel on 9/11

I grew up and still live right outside of NYC. I went to college and lived in Manhattan for 4 years. I commute into the city everyday for work. I ❤️ NY, for real. I'm currently commuting into the city on a bus via the Lincoln Tunnel which is temporarily stopped for annual moments of silence. Here are a few ways I feel on 9/11.
  1. Grateful
    First and foremost. My aunt, godmother, and one of my closest family members was in tower 2. She was lucky enough to run down 60 something flights of stairs to get out of the burning building. She didn't look back to see what was happening behind her, she knew it was bad. I know time heals, but she'll never be the same after what happened to her 14 years ago. I am grateful she's still a big part of my life.
  2. Nervous
    I know things are different now, but I'm not going to pretend like I'm one of those people who thinks something like that could never happen again. I'm currently sitting at a dead stop in the tunnel. Whenever that happens or the subway stops between stops for 2 + minutes, it always makes me a little nervous (I know I'm not alone in that, nervous energy is palpable). I think as New Yorkers we are always more aware of our surroundings, but I'm not going to pretend that's not exhausting sometimes.
  3. Empathic
    If you know me IRL, you know I'm very empathetic. I feel others' pain and concerns and worries. I can actually feel it in my bones sometimes. So on a day like today, I feel very open to everyone's nervous and sad energy. 14 years later, the vibe in this city hasn't changed a bit.
  4. Confused
    How did that happen? How did so many people just like me and you commuting to their jobs right now find themselves in this horrific situation?
  5. Sad
    Time heals, it certainly does, the wounds aren't as raw as they were even 6 or 7 years ago, but it's still so sad. I just made it to work and the memorial of the victim's family members reading their loved one's names is on all the TVs. It lasts for hours. Just people reading names. It's just still so horrifically sad.
  6. Scarred
    I was 16 on 9/11/01, and for years after the event, whenever I heard a low flying plane, My heart would race. It's hard to not have a certain level of PTSD after the events of that day, no matter where you lived. We didn't know such evil existed. And life after 9/11 is just different.
  7. Nostalgic
    My boyfriend at the time (and current husband, cue the awwws) and I ran a baseball field snack stand at the time. I remember making American flag pins out of safety pins and beads and we sold them for $5 at the snack stand to raise money for the Red Cross. At 16 years old, it felt like something we could do to help. We raised $125 and donated it to the Red Cross. We felt like we helped.
  8. Hopeful
    I have hope that the love in the hearts of the good people in this world allow us to be safe and allow us to continue living day to day life how we choose. Here's my current view. Pretty hopeful right?
  9. Proud
    So proud of the resilience of New Yorkers and the strength had by so many people affected. I'm so proud of everyone who came out the other side and can say "this happened and it sucked, but I'm here and I'm still doing my thing". I'm also proud to exist in a place that allows me to put a list of my thoughts out like this, I realize that's a luxury.