THINGS I WISH I COULD BRAINWASH MY STUDENTS INTO DOING

So, I'm a college English professor. As such, I'm supposedly a "liberal Marxist" who stands against the "true ideals" of America (whatever the heck that means). Supposedly, I spend my life manipulating students into my [scary "ism" du jour] world view. Had I the power to brainwash my students, here are a few things I'd "nefariously" make them do.
  1. Come to class on time
  2. Bring a book to class
  3. Bring paper and pencils to class
  4. Take notes during class
  5. Participate in class discussions
  6. Read the assigned material
  7. Visit me during office hours for extra help
  8. Ask questions during class
  9. Follow MLA format (seriously, why is this hard?)
  10. Use a salutation and a complimentary closing in email messages
  11. Check email regularly
  12. Stop texting while we are talking in class
  13. Stop texting when they hang around to ask me a question after class because they missed the info the first time because they were texting in class
  14. At least pretend to be interested during class
  15. Study for the exams
  16. This list could go and on and on