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- •I recently had the random thought that if I ever become a zombie... I am moving to Shanghai or Tokyo because I love Asian food.
- •I canceled my Planet Fitness membership because their menu was not even close to Planet Hollywood's.
- •During Monday's presidential debate, I realized only three questions really mattered to me. 1) Who is going to be your White House Executive Chef ? 2) How are you going to control the rising costs of bluefin tuna ? 3) Would you be willing to force the USDA to double its recommended daily caloric intake for adult males ?
- •When constipated....Pinocchio poops aspirin.
- •After eating Mexican food...Tinker Bell poops Pop Rocks.
- •Bugs Bunny was diagnosed with diabetes after starting to poop Cocoa Puffs.
- •Secretary of the Treasury- Nicholas Cage
- •Secretary of Defense - Chuck Norris
- •Secretary of the Interior - Martha Stewart