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  1. I recently had the random thought that if I ever become a zombie... I am moving to Shanghai or Tokyo because I love Asian food.
  2. I canceled my Planet Fitness membership because their menu was not even close to Planet Hollywood's.
  3. During Monday's presidential debate, I realized only three questions really mattered to me. 1) Who is going to be your White House Executive Chef ? 2) How are you going to control the rising costs of bluefin tuna ? 3) Would you be willing to force the USDA to double its recommended daily caloric intake for adult males ?
  1. When constipated....Pinocchio poops aspirin.
  2. After eating Mexican food...Tinker Bell poops Pop Rocks.
  3. Bugs Bunny was diagnosed with diabetes after starting to poop Cocoa Puffs.
  1. Secretary of the Treasury- Nicholas Cage
  2. Secretary of Defense - Chuck Norris
  3. Secretary of the Interior - Martha Stewart
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