Reasons Why I Have Decided To Lose Weight

  1. I recently had the random thought that if I ever become a zombie... I am moving to Shanghai or Tokyo because I love Asian food.
  2. I canceled my Planet Fitness membership because their menu was not even close to Planet Hollywood's.
  3. During Monday's presidential debate, I realized only three questions really mattered to me. 1) Who is going to be your White House Executive Chef ? 2) How are you going to control the rising costs of bluefin tuna ? 3) Would you be willing to force the USDA to double its recommended daily caloric intake for adult males ?