1. Dyson Air Blade
    D1c36bb4 d7ee 4719 bd94 9230ad5d9f28
    The Dyson Air Blade will not actually chop your hands off. Nothing provides a speedier or sexier dry. A cool blast of air that soothes and massages the wet skin. Other dryers are dull breaths to the Blade.
  2. Xcelerator
    6d4d68b4 bf9c 44d2 84a3 52d1d57105e3
    This machine employs brute force to melt your hand into dryness. Your feeble hand-skin dances within the vortex.
  3. The Push Button
    10bcf33e 8b67 4a82 b9b2 1aaec7e04ea8
    A classic. Throwback to the golden years. Before the age of automation. Pure middle school bathroom nostalgia. What it lacks in design it makes up for in gratification. Push it. Push it real good.
  4. ExtremeAir
    060531cd 0bb0 4301 80be cc3105dea0e6
    Misleading name. More like LacklusterAir. Confusing instructional graphic. Waving ones hands will not produce 8 strips of surrounding bacon.
  5. The Mitsubishi Jet Towel
    02ab917e 4443 4f27 a04f f85490308c98
    Mitsubishi is Japanese for "we produce all things." A (disappointing) replica of the Air Blade. Cracks the Top 5 mainly because I can't think of any other ones.