THINGS I NEED TO DO BEFORE WRITING MY THESIS

  1. Watch every episode of Gilmore Girls
  2. Paint my toenails, even though it's too cold for sandals and no one will see them except my boyfriend, and not really even him, cause I wear warm socks all the damn time.
  3. PM my seventh grade crush on Facebook and like, see how life is treating him, and apologize for all the prank calls. Fifteen years later is better than never.
  4. Make a homemade strawberry pie, even the crust, because buying pre-made crust is Busch league bullshit.
  5. Write a profound and contemplative entry in my poop journal, while pooping, obviously, so this one's a two-fer.
  6. Get right with the library.
  7. Compose long and heartfelt raps to be performed for friends' upcoming birthdays.
  8. Reread the Harry Potter series while substituting the word wang for wand and laughing to myself every time.