guys i want to make out with bc it would emotionally cripple my ex

(merry christmas here's installment #2 of bitter breakup drafts)
  1. his best friend
    obviously
  2. ken jennings
    ex was once an alternate on teen jeopardy but didn't make the final cut
  3. adam brody
    he always thought he was a total seth
  4. drake
    like can you imagine????
  5. my high school crush
    who i crushed on at least distantly for the entirety of my relationship