1. i am always down to drive and pick something up for dinner
  2. it gives them more opportunities to bash my liberal sensibilities
  3. i sneak around in the dark turning off tvs after everyone falls asleep with them on
  4. i am available during the day to help carry in groceries from the car
  5. no one else in a 15 mile radius will explain how to use facebook
  6. sometimes i'll empty the whole dishwasher when i need a fork
  7. i'm adorable
  8. what if i got sick somewhere else and they had to drive forty-five minutes to take my temperature and tell me to drink my water
  9. ???