@ mtv: hire me
  1. it all started innocently enough
  2. i was on twitter, writing my regular bach tweets, when it happened
  3. this random dude popped into my mentions to let me know that he sometimes makes girls orgasm (but when he doesn't it's not his fault bc some girls just don't have the ability)
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  5. immediately, as one does when this happens, i started to publicly mock this creepy stranger
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  8. but he just fukin loved it and stayed in my mentions
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  10. and even got into my friends' mentions!!!! and won't stay out!!!
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  12. and also tried this very amateur move????
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  14. so bc i am a monster i decided to stalk him
  15. a reverse image search and some follow up googling led to this guy
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  17. he's a cosplayer named abe
  18. his picture was on some cosplay site that linked to his tumblr that had a similar username as his insta (shout out @drugs for discovering that) which had his name and then i found his facebook
  19. (i also found his linkedin and middle name and the day he won his university trivia in 2015 and how old he is etc)
  20. i didn't plan on doing anything with that info
  21. at first
  22. but then i figured if he stayed in my mentions
  23. even after this tweet
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  25. maybe i would start slipping what i knew in conversation until he got the hint
  26. like this
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  29. but then while talking with @drugs we had a realization
  30. what if.... what if abe is innocent?
  31. quickly enough we found abe's actual twitter
  32. and i decided i had to put the matter to rest once and for all
  33. so i messaged abe's cosplay fb page
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    (decided to play it cool in case this WAS his twitter and i was showing my cards on my fb page)
  35. but we were right!!!!!
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  37. abe is innocent!!!!!
    (ish. he has some suspect content but at least he wasn't bugging me and my buds with racistish tweets)
  38. so guess what, trev?
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  40. you're going down so fast that your account has already been removed
  41. Giphy
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