10 Commandments to Never Breaking Someone's Heart

  1. 1.
    Thou shalt not slow fade another human being.
  2. 2.
    Thou shalt not covet your current bae's best friends.
  3. 3.
    Thou shalt not say the word "love" if you're feeling horny or infatuated.
  4. 4.
    Honor thy romantic counterpart/current sexual intercourse partner with integrity and oral equality.
  5. 5.
    Remember thy "Facebook Official" day / 1st Instagram display of coupledom to keep it holy.
  6. 6.
    Thou shall not steal his/her phone to see if they're still active on other dating apps.
  7. 7.
    Thou shalt not bear false witness to the future of a relationship, if you know you don't foresee one.
    Trip to Napa? Cool! Meet my parents? Yup! Spend eternity with me till we die? 😦
  8. 8.
    Thou shalt not kill a bitch's vibe.
    If you're trying to change them too much, their vibe will resent you some day.
  9. 9.
    Thou shalt not commit adultery. (DUH.)
    Unless you guys weren't official? But I guess if one wanted to be exclusive and the other didn't, then you already broke that person's heart. [see 7th commandment].
  10. 10.
    Thou shalt not pretend to be someone they're not or put your bae on a pedestal of expectations.
    THIS IS HOW YOU GET GONE GIRL'ED.