Misguided Life Advice From My Mother

  1. "You should watch Sex in The City to learn about sex"
    When I was 10, she really sat me down, put on TiVo and made me binge watch Sex in the City with her. This is how my mother wanted to teach me about intercourse and dating. She would also then introduce me to the Bachelor as another type of "study".
  2. "I know we're Catholic, but you should marry a Mormon like your cousin."
    Or a Jewish guy. My mom would rather I marry a Mormon or A Jew because apparently, my relatives who have done this are doing better for themselves. How about just a nice guy, mom? Maybe that's the key to it all.
  3. "When you have kids, find them one of those Macy's catalog model jobs so they can get free clothes."
    When I have kids, they won't have department store catalogs anymore. Wait, do they even exist now?! And do these child models really keep these clothes?!!