A slightly lonely/slightly sensitive week.

  1. So, my best friend emigrated on Tuesday.
    It's a complicated mess. I'd love to be excited for his big adventure but it's tricky given the circumstances.
  2. We met up Monday night for one last meal together (along with his partner).
    It was a really good time, and a really sad time too.
  3. Sure, I can hopefully visit him/them but he's always lived 20 minutes away from me. When we were kids, we lived in the same street.
    It's not going to be the same. I don't have enough close friends to 'lose' one.
  4. My mum has continued to be really ill.
    One appointment with the nurse today. An appointment with the doctor tomorrow.
  5. It's a little rough right now.
  6. I've been texting my friend's sister a lot and that's helped a bit.
    We've both felt like crap about him leaving.
  7. But I've still felt low, sensitive and just a bit...blah?
  8. I feel insecure. Like I've lost another hint of security in my life.
    Just when I needed that bit of security.
  9. Last night, I texted B to ask him if he wanted to do something soon.
    He said he might be able to do something Saturday then asked some stuff about how things went with saying goodbye to my friend.
  10. I told him.
    He's been really understanding lately after all.
  11. Nothing back from him.
    No sign of him on WhatsApp for the rest of the night.
  12. Or any of today in fact.
  13. Until just before I was going to bed.
  14. An apology that he took so long to reply. (24 hours)
  15. Saying he'd gone out with a mate to the cinema to see Dunkirk.
  16. What was I meant to say?
  17. I wanted to say 'it's ok. I felt like crap and like I can't rely on anyone right now'
  18. Instead, I said 'no worries'. Made a joke about how I thought he'd been abducted by aliens and asked what the film was like.
  19. We're friends. Friends screw up, right?
    But I did feel let down. He could have replied earlier today, surely?
  20. Honestly though? I'm not entirely sure what I should have said really.
  21. I don't trust my emotions or sensitivities this week.
  22. And I never really know what's 'right' when it comes to B and how I 'should' feel.
  23. Maybe stupidly, I feel a little disappointed he saw Dunkirk without me.
    Stupid because I don't even know if I want to see it. But we'd talked about it vaguely before.
  24. Mostly, I just want/need someone I can rely on right now.
    Again, I have no idea if I should expect that of him or even voice it?!
  25. I miss a consistent person in my life sometimes.