Brain vs heart kind of week.

  1. I reactivated my okcupid account on Tuesday.
    Because I don't need a messed up ex in my life, right?
  2. Wednesday, I texted him for the first time in about 5 weeks.
    Oops.
  3. He replied.
    It was weird for a few texts. You could feel the tentativeness from both of us. Safe questions about Christmas were asked.
  4. The friends I told rightly judged.
    'Be careful' and 'don't get burned' being the general theme.
  5. It was only one or two texts. I'm surprised he put the effort in.
  6. By Thursday night, we'd overcome awkwardness.
    Mostly at least.
  7. Friday morning, I woke up to a text from him and sighed at the familiarity of the situation.
    My brain hated the fact my heart was keen on this.
  8. He told me how he didn't get any Christmas presents. I asked why.
    He said it was because he 'asked for that. I'm cool like that'.
  9. I mocked him and said I'd hate to be so cool as to not want presents.
  10. He came back with how when he meant cool, it was synonymous with 'disliked'.
  11. I decided not to rise to the bait.
    Did he expect me to question it further? Isn't that the kind of thing the dumped should say, not the dumper?
  12. I kept it light instead and dodged it.
    Simply saying 'trust you to have to be different 😉'
  13. I felt pleased with myself for not rising to the bait.
    I'd spent so many times boosting his self esteem in the past. It's not my problem any more.
  14. The empowered feeling lasted most of the day.
    It was a good feeling.
  15. Then it got to 2am.
  16. No reply from him all day.
    Not that my message needed one, I suppose.
  17. And I wished I'd questioned what he meant earlier.
    Even though he might not have said. Many a time, I would compliment him in a text and he'd act like I never said it. He was great at avoidance.
  18. While my brain sighs at my stupidity.
    'Find someone who's not so messed up' it yells at me.
  19. 'It's not your problem any more. You can't make someone open up. You deserve better.'
    That's my brain's chorus.
  20. Maybe I'll sign up to a different dating site over the weekend...