1. I went on a date this evening.
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  2. I was so tempted to wuss out.
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    There were tears that morning, and I kept thinking of the ex.
  3. I knew I'd feel worse if I cancelled.
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  4. It was only a coffee at a Starbucks.
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    Hardly tough, right?
  5. I put a cute sweater on.
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    And realised the last time I wore it was my last date with the ex.
  6. I put perfume on.
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    More thoughts of the ex.
  7. I could do this.
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    I've got this.
  8. I got there.
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    He looked better than his photo. That almost never happens!
  9. He smiled and said hi.
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    Ooh, dimples? I like dimples.
  10. He went and bought me a drink.
    While he queued, I checked him out.
  11. I paraphrased a line from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip to myself.
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  12. 'He's the anti-ex. He's taller, more muscular, more confident, and he works with his hands.
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    Some of this made him everything I wanted before the ex.
  13. We had a nice time.
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    The chemistry wasn't instant but it was fairly easy to talk to him.
  14. He made me laugh.
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    Not quite as easily as the ex.
  15. We seemed to have a reasonable amount in common.
  16. I'm fairly confident he's against Brexit.
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    Phew. I couldn't date someone who voted to leave.
  17. When we left, he kissed me goodbye.
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    It was a little awkward but it was a brief kiss on the lips. Another point for confidence.
  18. I drove home and thought about it.
  19. If he wants another date, I'm ok with that.
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  20. If he doesn't, I'm also ok with that.
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  21. The day and the week has made me realise how hung up I am on the ex.
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    Even though I don't want to be. Life would be easier if I wasn't!
  22. I talked to my mum about it.
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    She doesn't know I've been texting the ex but she agrees I'm still missing him a ton.
  23. The guy messaged me on the dating site to say he had fun and would like to see me again.
  24. I tentatively said yes.
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    I suggested maybe next weekend?
  25. This stage always scares me admittedly.
    Letting someone in.
  26. The second date could suck.
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    I once had a great first date. On the second date, the guy told me how he didn't see the point in keeping up with the news, and how he wanted to punch Judi Dench. (No third date obviously)
  27. But it might not.
    Is that fair on him when I miss the ex?
  28. I'd like to see the ex one last time. Just to talk.
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    Would it help? Would he be willing? He seemed it last week but he hasn't texted much this week.
  29. This feels messier than I expected.
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    Although, it's all hypotheticals for now.
  30. Stupid brain.
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  31. So, the ex texted me for 3 hours a few nights back. It was fun. It was comfortable. He reassured me about stuff. It was probably too comfortable.
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  32. But I figured I'd still go on the second date with the other guy.
    He was keen in texts on Monday. And I did kind of like him.
  33. I texted first date guy on Wednesday to confirm stuff for our date on Thursday.
    He didn't reply.
  34. And then Thursday night, I discovered he'd been on the dating site that evening.
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    That made me uncharacteristically angry.
  35. So, that's me a little more annoyed at the dating world then.
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