WHY EVERY PROBLEM IN MY LIFE TRACES BACK TO MY PARENTS' REFUSAL TO GET ME A DOG

  1. I didn't know what a lint roller was until I was 19
  2. Poor knowledge of local parks and walking areas
  3. I always chose D-Dog as my buddy in the new metal gear solid despite the fact that Quiet is far superior
  4. I actually don't hate it when owners put their pets in prams like a baby
  5. Inability to cope with physical displays of love etc.
  6. I haven't developed the high pitched voice people use for pets/babies
  7. I've missed so many things at parties because the owner has a dog and I have a lifetime of unsatisfied petting energy