Reasons My Decision to Get a New Hairstyle Will End Badly

What started as a bang trim and ended in a new Pinterest board devoted to Alexa Chung's long-wavy-bob-with-bangs
  1. Genetics
    I have no evidence to suggest that Alexa Chung has naturally curly hair. I do. There is probably a reason no one has a curly lob.
  2. Inventory
    Because I NEED new hair by tomorrow, I took the only stylist available, Fredrick. Why was Fredrick available on a Saturday?
  3. History
    I haven't repeated a hair stylist in the past two years. No one knows the secrets hiding in my hair. Especially Fredrick, whom I have never met.
  4. Bitmoji
    I was unable to restyle my bitmoji to have both wavy hair and bangs. If bitmoji won't do it, should I? Is this a sign? If my bitmoji doesn't look like me, will my friends know who is texting?
  5. Karma
    I built a Pinterest board for my hair instead of working this afternoon. That might have been a karmic misstep.
  6. Value
    Fredrick's hair cuts start at $53. An hour of therapy is $120. I might not be paying Fredrick enough to be invested.
  7. Impulse
    Carrie Bradshaw taught us that delayed gratification is the definition of maturity. My hair plan might suffer for premature execution.
  8. Brunch
    I have a boozy brunch before my appointment. Hair changes should involve more, not fewer, inhibitions.