THINGS I GENUINELY REGRET

  1. Cheating on my post-college boyfriend
    And not just because after he found out he sent me a series of mean letters written on photocopies of his middle finger and wrote and recorded a song about me called "Hiroshima"--more because cheating sucks and is the soul-crushing worst
  2. That time I didn't go to Moscow
  3. That time I didn't go to Nicaragua
  4. That time I didn't go to Hawaii
  5. Not kissing that one guy that one time
  6. Most times I've lost my temper at various jobs, even when I've been right*
    *not true when I've told off mansplaining creeps
  7. Keeping dead flowers around even when they're sentimental because dead flowers are gross
  8. Not sending enough thank you cards
    I've been so lucky I should have thanked so many people and gah thoughts don't count
  9. When I've failed to act graciously in the face of rejection