Doctors in Songs, Ranked From Worst to Best 👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️

  1. 1.
    "Witch Doctor" (Alvin & The Chipmunks)
    To be fair, the patient in this song did not come with a medical issue, but the doctor could've referred him to a colleague in psychiatry or something rather than just do that whole "walla walla bing bang" shit.
  2. 2.
    The doctor in "Coconut" (Harry Nilsson)
    Unlike the witch doctor, he gives his patient something to do for her ailment (put the lime in the coconut etc.), but he's also super condescending ("You're such a silly woman"). Not cool to say that to a woman, doc. FYI March is #EndometriosisAwareness month.
  3. 3.
    "Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)" (Robert Palmer)
    I'm probably/definitely reading too much into this, but does the line "Doctor, Doctor, give me the news/I've got a bad case of loving you" imply that the doctor and the love interest are the same woman? Because that's pretty progressive for the late 1970s. 👏 for that.
  4. 4.
    "Dr. Robert" (The Beatles)
    Drug references aside, Dr. Robert is a terrific doctor. Available ("Day or night he'll be there any time at all"), persistent ("He does everything he can"), compassionate ("Helping anyone in need"). I'd def take him over that lame witch doctor.