If These Movies Were Women, Here's What They Would Wear to The 2017 Oscars

  1. Sully
    Remember that feather dress Penelope Cruz wore 10 years ago? Sully's dress would be like that, but made of goose feathers to symbolize man's triumph over plane-crashing geese.
  2. Manchester by the Sea
    A dress made of Kleenex so that when you look at her and you remember "that part" of the movie, you can pull off a tissue to wipe away your tears.
  3. Jackie
    A pillbox hat and a smart suit? Noooo, sir. Jackie's going to show up completely naked so we see the REAL her.
  4. La La Land
    A cleverly updated version of Audrey Hepburn's red dress from Funny Face, and she would spin down the red carpet until she arrives at the Dolby Theatre and throws up.
  5. Moonlight
    Something so understatedly lovely that you almost wish La La Land wasn't stealing her thunder.
  6. The Lobster
    A dress made of mirrors, because the movie is really about...ourselves. (FYI I didn't see The Lobster so this is just a shot in the dark.)
  7. Nocturnal Animals
    A dress so stylish and elegant that it makes you gasp at first glance and then you're, like, over it.
  8. Zootopia
    A zoot suit she calls a "Zootopia suit" that makes adults think "Ah-ha! How very clever" and kids think "Haha those pants look silly." Fun for the whole family!