Things I'm Bad at Caring About

  1. The ingredients in my food
    Here's the thing, though: I'm really good at reading nutrition labels. If calorie counting was a county fair contest, I'd win that stuffed animal for my girl every time. Have you read the ingredients list, though? It's a fucking modernist poem. Sorry, future self. I was hungry.
  2. Other countries
    To me, other countries are like friends at camp. When there's a coup or an election, I'm like, "Tell me everything about you! I'm obsessed with you! Let's hang out all the time!" After it's over, I'm like, "Well, keep in touch" but we both know it's not gonna happen.
  3. Taylor Swift
    Is it possible to be indifferent to Taylor Swift? I have opinions about what she does - I like "Style," I didn't like when she started straightening her hair. But the sum total of my micro-opinions is "she a'ight." Imagine a world where people started going nuts over 2% milk. That's how I feel about Swift-mania.