JOB QUALIFICATIONS I MEET

I'm an excellent candidate for any position that allows me to wear tie dye and cry freely.
  1. Decent liar, but generally truthful
  2. Literate
  3. 3 years of experience posting Instagram pics of my dog
  4. Can make a mean grilled cheese
  5. Able to identify when an actor is British doing an American accent pretty quickly
  6. Took one art history class
    3 whole credits of culture
  7. Lover of sandwiches
  8. Mediocre tennis player
  9. Can get a sunburn in under 10 minutes
  10. Positive attitude as long as I am well-fed
  11. Successfully refrained from killing the world's worst roommate
    I do hope she is having a bad day
  12. Advanced in frequently misinterpreted sarcasm
  13. Not a millionaire
    No money.. Very broke
  14. Human
  15. Alive