LIES I'VE BEEN TOLD

Selected for lack of tact/believability (and/or pain caused)
  1. My dad telling me he didn't throw away my dead hamster
    "It was dead who cares" sad discovery for a seven-year-old sleuth
  2. My dad telling me he didn't throw away a painting I worked really hard on
    "I thought it was trash" I guess that's one way of looking at it
  3. A friend saying that he once stole a car in front of a 7-Eleven when he went to buy a Twinkie because his grandma wouldn't give him food
    "Yeah you're right that's not true"
  4. A girl I worked with texting me that her dad was in a car accident and she needed me to cover her shift because she was in the hospital with him
    She also sent a picture ... Of a man in a hospital bed... That she got from the Internet .. She didn't even crop out the URL........ It comes up on the first page of Google................
  5. My grandfather announcing that he won the lottery
    He even teared up... Sweet prank!!!
  6. People telling me I could pull off dark brown hair
    I could not
  7. A girl who lived on my floor freshman year of college admitting to my face (I guess this is a truth and a lie) to writing a mean note on another girl's door and then bold-faced lying to our entire floor about it at meeting the next day
    I'm no snitch, so I didn't utter a word, but this was one of the 3.5 times my jaw has legitimately dropped
  8. A friend saying he never talked shit about me
    I had the receipts, but nice try tho
  9. Any doctor saying it won't hurt
    It always hurts
  10. Someone telling me they were sorry
    You weren't, but it's okay