MY ENEMIES RANKED

Keep your friends close and your enemies in a carefully organized hierarchical list
  1. 12.
    The dentist
    I appreciate your work, but still.
  2. 11.
    Stairs
  3. 10.
    A kid I went to high school with who told people he wanted to kill me
    He also drew swastikas while staring at me in French class and told everyone when I got 0% on a quiz.
  4. 9.
    The guy who runs karaoke in a dive bar I used to go to
    I don't care what kind of weird unjustified power trip you're on, I should not have to bribe you to sing Telephone by Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé.
  5. 8.
    A math teacher I had in high school
    So rude and dismissive. Turns out he never even had a teaching license and disappeared a few years after I graduated.
  6. 7.
    Bugs
  7. 6.
    An uber driver who got out of his car and threatened me for closing the door too hard
    For the record it was 4am and he forced us to get out in the middle of the street two seconds after picking us up. Still confident that I closed the door with a normal level of force.
  8. 5.
    A girl who made me cry when I was 6
  9. 4.
    My former roommate
    I would say I hope she never sees this, but I honestly don't care. This slot also goes for any human who does not clean.
  10. 3.
    90% of the people I did group projects with
  11. 2.
    Wind
  12. 1.
    Myself