MY NEIGHBOR'S GNOME

An American hero
  1. This is exactly as weird as you think it is
    But I mean do it for the fans (aka @torihyndman) I guess
  2. Welcome to the tale of my neighbor's garden gnome
  3. My neighbor is a guy in his 50s(?) who lives alone with his dog, Gus
  4. Gus is my dog's arch enemy (perhaps unrelated to the gnome, but who's to say)
    The tension is so real
  5. This is Gus
  6. One day a gnome appeared on the tiny patch of dirt by this neighbor's front door
    There's actually something so heartwarming about the fact that he just saw this gnome and thought THAT yes this lil guy needs to sit in front of my house.. But that being said...
  7. It's definitely on the creepier side as far as gnomes go
  8. This is the gnome
    Young, wild, and free
  9. His smile is menacing
    I'm about 80% sure he comes alive at night and causes mischief
  10. However, I realize now that I've been unfair to this gnome...
  11. He holds an American flag after all
    He LOVES AMERICA DAMMIT
  12. But more than that, he is a beacon of hope
  13. He stands tall through wind, snow, and rain
  14. Sure, it may be unsettling to wake up, look out the window, and see his beady eyes staring up at me
  15. But at least he is always there
  16. I thought it only fair that I pay tribute to this hero by sharing him with the world
    Aka the poor souls who follow me on snapchat... Feel free to add me if you dare (jennaec)
  17. Recently, tragedy struck and time stood still
  18. The gnome's flag had fallen
  19. I called 911 repeatedly
  20. I alerted local media
  21. I posted 30 seconds worth of snapchats
  22. Two of those three statements are true
  23. I spent a lot of time thinking about walking over there and placing the flag back in the gnome's capable hands
    Decided against it for fear of having the police called on me/being disloyal to my dog by crossing enemy lines
  24. Days passed and the flag wasn't lifted
  25. I didn't eat*
    *I absolutely did eat
  26. I didn't sleep*
    *I slept pretty well actually
  27. Then one morning I awoke to find that something incredible had taken place in the night
  28. The flag was once again in the arms of the gnome
  29. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, I was singing, the entire town was singing, holding hands, and swaying around a Christmas tree
  30. All was as it should be
  31. Peace was restored and we all lived happily ever after
    Even Gus has been pretty chill
  32. The end
  33. If anyone made it this far, I am very aware I need to get a life
    But thank you for humoring me & god bless America xo