REASONS WHY I'M A GREAT THIRD WHEEL

Bring me along on your next date if your idea of entertainment is me recounting the weird dream I had about Justin Bieber last night
  1. I'm down for whatever
    As long as we eat every 2 hours
  2. I spark conversation
    "So, peaches... Thoughts?"
  3. I will serenade you in the car
    Don't worry, if I don't know the song I'll make you change it
  4. I will fill all silence with my thoughts on last week's episode of the Bachelorette
    "I know you don't know what I'm talking about, but Chad..."
  5. I have no problem staring at my phone to entertain myself
    I welcome it, really
  6. I will shower you with compliments
    "You're both so nice it's really weird for me, but cute I guess!"
  7. Would you like to go bowling? Mini golf perhaps? Great! I'm terrible at both and will make you look like a superstar
  8. I keep it real
    "Hey guys sorry if I smell bad it's just really hot so I'm sweating a lot"
  9. I'm considerate of everyone's feelings
    "Am I annoying you? You both seem kind of annoyed"
  10. I won't feel left out
    "What are you guys laughing about tell me"
  11. I'm independent
    Don't need no man aka plz don't set me up with your weird friend
  12. I'm really easygoing
    Just laugh at everything I say and agree with all of my very strong opinions
  13. I love love 💘
    I may be a sarcastic asshole, but it is a beautiful thing