THINGS MY DOG AND I HAVE IN COMMON

Are we human or are we dancers
  1. We are willing to sacrifice our dignity for snacks
    Food tastes better than self respect feels.
  2. A tendency to drool
    One of us more so than the other, but I promised I wouldn't say.
  3. Not fans of going outside in the rain
    Our hair will probably smell bad if we do and the food is inside so what's the point.
  4. We are convinced that staring at someone for an extended period of time is a good way to get what you want
    Or scare them, but fear is also motivating so it all works out in the end.
  5. Vacuum cleaners make us uncomfortable
    Very loud.
  6. We hate others on instinct alone
    I.e. The dachshund from next door and my 10th grade English teacher. Neither could be trusted.
  7. We enjoy laying on comfortable surfaces for hours on end
    Big fan of pillows. Will move for food willingly, begrudgingly for bathroom breaks.
  8. We get excited when dogs appear on the TV screen
    Sometimes I find myself lunging toward the screen and trying to interact with them.