What My Sweet Sixteen Would Have Been Like If I Was Rich

Let's take a journey back to 2009... ✨Gonna spread my wings *sweet 16*✨👑
  1. The invite: A full length indie folk album written by me, performed by Bon Iver, and delivered door to door on vinyl by Snoop Dogg
  2. The theme: "Fight Club" meets "Pretty in Pink"
  3. The dress code: See above
    If you're not rocking 80s glam and/or a hot shirtless guy, you're NOT getting into my party.
  4. MY look💃🏼: I obviously flew to Paris to buy a red leather jacket à la Tyler Durden, a really soft t-shirt dress, and some sexi Louboutins
  5. The venue: Johnny Depp's private island
    Pretty sure I once saw on a VH1 special that he owns (owned?) a private island.
  6. The performer(s): 50 Cent and Ray LaMontagne
    They would have been required to collaborate on an original bday song for me, but they did it because they love me, not for the $$$.
  7. The ~drama~: The leotard I was supposed l wear for my interpretive dance entrance went missing!!!!
    Subplot: Brad Pitt didn't show, not cool Brad.
  8. The food: My three favorite Ben & Jerry's flavors (Half Baked, Phish Food, Imagine Whirled Peace [RIP I miss u]) plus a vanilla trap
    Anyone who chose to eat vanilla was escorted out and removed from the island by paddle boat.
  9. The guest who spiked the punch: Hilary Duff
    She also performed "Sweet Sixteen" live. Bless her.
  10. The gift: A solid gold Lamborghini and one of those grossly expensive doughnuts
    Thx rents, but I wanted a pony.
  11. In reality I think I spent my sixteenth birthday crying into a bowl of ice cream on the couch
    Just a small town girl livin in a LoNeLy world
  12. Discovering *sweet 16*
  13. So much more to life *sweet 16*