What My Sweet Sixteen Would Have Been Like If I Was Rich
Let's take a journey back to 2009... ✨Gonna spread my wings *sweet 16*✨👑
- •The invite: A full length indie folk album written by me, performed by Bon Iver, and delivered door to door on vinyl by Snoop Dogg
- •The theme: "Fight Club" meets "Pretty in Pink"
- •The dress code: See aboveIf you're not rocking 80s glam and/or a hot shirtless guy, you're NOT getting into my party.
- •MY look💃🏼: I obviously flew to Paris to buy a red leather jacket à la Tyler Durden, a really soft t-shirt dress, and some sexi Louboutins
- •The venue: Johnny Depp's private islandPretty sure I once saw on a VH1 special that he owns (owned?) a private island.
- •The performer(s): 50 Cent and Ray LaMontagneThey would have been required to collaborate on an original bday song for me, but they did it because they love me, not for the $$$.
- •The ~drama~: The leotard I was supposed l wear for my interpretive dance entrance went missing!!!!Subplot: Brad Pitt didn't show, not cool Brad.
- •The food: My three favorite Ben & Jerry's flavors (Half Baked, Phish Food, Imagine Whirled Peace [RIP I miss u]) plus a vanilla trapAnyone who chose to eat vanilla was escorted out and removed from the island by paddle boat.
- •The guest who spiked the punch: Hilary DuffShe also performed "Sweet Sixteen" live. Bless her.
- •The gift: A solid gold Lamborghini and one of those grossly expensive doughnutsThx rents, but I wanted a pony.
- •In reality I think I spent my sixteenth birthday crying into a bowl of ice cream on the couchJust a small town girl livin in a LoNeLy world
- •Discovering *sweet 16*
- •So much more to life *sweet 16*