HORRIFYING THINGS IN 50 SHADES OF GREY

...And it's not that it was "too much." Disclaimer: I was forced into watching this with one of my best friends. This was not by personal choice. Spoiler alert I guess???
  1. The pencil biting
    Let's just take extremely obvious shot and close in on her biting the "Grey" pencil right from the start. How original.
  2. The girl
    Everything about her. She was horribly annoying, horribly predictable, horribly nasally, horribly ineffective, horrible everything
  3. The brother
    I refuse to believe Christian Grey and his unimportant brother come from the same gene pool.
  4. The way Grey said "Anastasia"
    Ana-stasi-a. And very noncommittal about it. If you're going to speak like an idiot at least have some conviction.
  5. The kitten nuzzle
    That thing she did every time he touched her face: closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek in like a cat. EVERY TIME.
  6. The lines
    Most specifically irritating: "I'm 50 shades of fucked up." Really!?!?!?
  7. The instant moan
    Similarly to the kitten nuzzle, the girl moaned, full on moaned, at the lightest touch. Girl.
  8. The sex
    HERE'S THE THING. If you're gonna produce this out, do it right. Don't half ass it. For a movie about sex (and don't try to tell me it wasn't) the sex sucked. No one came for the story line.
  9. The...all of it.
    It was all just horrifyingly awful. Simply the worst movie I've ever seen. Zero redeeming qualities. 0/5 would not recommend.