DREAM GIRL SQUAD

  1. SOOOOO GOOD!
  2. Shania Twain
    Role: Squad Mom. She's not a regular squad mom, she's a cool squad mom.
  3. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
    Role: Squad Grandma/Keeper of Squad Code. She's not the cute, "bless your heart" kind of grandma. She's the kind of grandma who's a little grumpy, a little cracked, but hella fab. Not afraid to throw shade. Presides over all Squad Court cases.
  4. Oprah
    Role: Squad Aunt. The cool aunt that has a lot of money and no kids. Finances squad activities, spoils the squad rotten, takes the squad out for nights on the town - all while providing the best life advice.
  5. Jane Austen
    Role: Lifestyle Consultant/Director of Squad Finishing School. Gives advice to squad members in all matters concerning life, love, and being a "lady." Occasionally provides matchmaking services.
  6. Sandra Lee
    Role: Chef/Bartender. Teaches squad members how to prepare delicious meals using 70% store bought and 30% fresh ingredients so they can take 100% of the credit. Also responsible for Cocktail Time, a daily event where getting white girl wasted is socially acceptable.
  7. @mindy Kaling
    Role: Stylist/comedienne. Puts together smokin' hot looks for other squad members for any occasion. Keeps the squad laughing 24/7 with her hilariously awkward life stories.
  8. Malala Yousafzai
    Role: Ambassador of Squad to the World/Editor of Squad Times. Represents squad interests in the global community and writes about it for the Squad newspaper. In her spare time, she helps younger squad members prepare for the SAT/A-levels.
  9. Emma Watson
    Role: Spokeswoman. Serves as the face of the squad in the greater community. Makes important appearances and speeches at social/political events on behalf of the squad, holds press conferences, and communicates squad business to the media. Also serves as Squad Librarian.
  10. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey
    Role: Motivational Speakers/Conflict Resolution. Enthusiastically support all squad members in everything they do by attending all performances, presentations, sporting events, etc. and giving kickass pep talks beforehand. Always encourage squad members to be the best they can be, but deliver tough love when needed. Mediate all inter-squad conflicts.
  11. Fabiola Gianotti
    Role: Director-General - Squad Laboratories. Directs all scientific research efforts, runs the squad's particle accelerator, and works with the Spokeswoman to communicate squad science to the general public.
  12. Angela Merkel
    Role: Ambassador of Squad to the Patriarchy. Represents squad interests in patriarchal society. Wreaks havoc in all the old boys' club meetings in the name of women everywhere. Gives zero fucks. In her spare time, she works as a research chemist at Squad Laboratories.
  13. Margaret Hamilton
    Role: Computer Scientist. Teaches all squad members how to code and fixes the wifi so that it's always super fast.
  14. Michelle Obama
    Role: Nutritionist/Fitness Consultant. Leads daily squad workouts and provides personalized nutrition and fitness plans for each squad member to keep the squad strong and healthy. Also serves as squad gardener.
  15. Adele
    Role: Moral support/Hair & makeup. Shoulder is open for crying on 24/7. Always down for a drink and a heart-to-heart. Shows squad members how to tease their hair big enough to fill with all of their secrets and how to create the perfect winged eyeliner so they can fly away from all of their troubles.
  16. Taylor Swift
    Role: Hostess with the Mostest. Her doors are always open to her fellow squad members. Can put together the perfect event for any occasion, be it a birthday, a breakup, or a particularly bad bout of PMS. Always greets the squad with hugs and a warm plate of homemade cookies.
  17. Beyoncé
    Role: HBIC. Who runs the world? SQUAD.