Thinking of going into the Judaica (Jewish Gifts) business? These are the perks!
  1. Always know when is the next Jewish holiday
  2. Complete confidence in the preferred spellings of Hanukkah / Chanukah
  3. Never ending supply of chocolate gelt, shabbat candles, and Matzolah (granola made with matzah)
  4. Can judge Israeli war tensions by how fast vendors reply to emails: about a week (copacetic), about a month (pot's bubbling), never (Iron Dome is in action)
  5. Get the pick of longest shofar
  6. Never have to choose just one Haggadah for the family seder
  7. Can judge POTUS/Israeli relations by time it takes to receive package from Israel: about a week (copacetic) over a month (Boehner has invited Netanyahu to address Congress)
  8. Can judge American attitude toward Israel by calculating ratio of sales of "More Hummus / Less Hamas" t-shirts versus hate emails over said shirt
  9. Home becomes an Island of Misfit Judaica where every chipped, scratched, or blemished menorah and seder plate spends its remaining days
  10. Insider knowledge of which celebrities are hosting Hanukkah parties
  11. Get to Jewify trends like Flash Tats and watch thousands of women wear a golden Hamsa on their Décolletage