THINGS I SAY TO MY DOG THAT MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A PAGEANT MOM

  1. Who is the cutest dog in the world?
    Followed by the answer, "it's Wrigley!"
  2. That other dog is just jealous of you
  3. We have to watch our figure now, don't we?
    He calls bullshit on the "we" in this statement since usually this is said when I'm eating something he can't have
  4. No pain, no gain
  5. Looking beautiful isn't easy
    Usually said on the way to the groomer
  6. Do you know how cute you are?
    Slightly different version of the first item on the list.
  7. When you look good, you feel good