CRITERIA FOR MY HYPOTHETICALLY PERFECT LOVER

Inspired by @nerd
  1. Spends a significant amount of time plotting ways to trick me, tease me, or entertain me.
  2. Makes up funny names to call me.
    Rude or mean names are okay, as long as they are clever.
  3. Compliments me in ways that are very specific to me.
    I love the way you concisely explained the plot of that Magnum pi episode to me so I could understand the joke you just made.
  4. Brings me presents with value of approximately $1 or less.
    A donut, a can of diet soda(can be generic), a rock, a weed they picked on the way over.
  5. Will not be upset if he comes home and the living room is a different color.
  6. Knows the difference between me laughing with him and me laughing at him, and doesn't mind either.
  7. Is comfortable stopping a fight or a serious conversation for a sex break. May or may not resume said fight.
  8. Can be bribed or distracted by baked goods.