PREPARATION LIST🏀 THIS IS AN ACTUAL LIST OF STUFF I HAVE TO DO🏀NOT A FUNNY STORY🏀JUST A LIST🏀
My parents and I are going to Europe next week and I'm very excited, but I still have a lot to do. @aus10 Like and relist, and next week I'll make a beautiful, finely crafted list of sweeping vistas, sexy Irish men and women, and amusing signs, food, sayings, etc. from across the pond. Otherwise it'll be just a big list of sheep doodie.💩
- •Take youngest son's Easter package to the post office.Was going to bake cookies for him, procrastinated, procrastinated, made dough, procrastinated, used dough for cookies for another event(horrible mom), procrastinated, gave up on cookies, boxed up the candy I bought three weeks ago(what was left(worst.mom.ever)),procrastinated, finally took box to post office, post office closed for lunch. 🙄
- •Call youngest son to explain why I am worst mother ever. Receive reassurance I am best mother he has. Go about day.Emotional blackmail level 79
- •Send copies of new insurance cards to kids at college.Neither will ever make a doctor's appt without me so this step is useless.
- •Make paper copies of passports for my parents even though digital copies stored safely in Cloud.Also copies of car rental agreement, hotel reservations, airline schedule, emergency numbers, favorite foods, drugs, allergies and favorite children, ranked by how likely to kill them for printing out 800 pages of unnecessary crap when they have perfectly good, late model iPhones.
- •Call mechanic so he can look at power steering on older son's car.Older son informs me this is unnecessary as the problem "went away." I inform him car problems do not just go away. He tells me he is a grown man. I ask if he's paying for the car. I apologize. I remind myself that when I was his age I was living across the country and had three kids. I remember how much I fucked up that whole situation. Made car appt for Monday.
- •Get manicure.Decide whether I'm strong enough to withstand judgement of split nails and ragged cuticles. Decide yes I'd better be if I don't want to look like an unkempt monster. Go to salon. Decide there are too many people and my nails aren't that bad. Try to paint them myself. Remember that when I paint them myself it looks like Picasso and Kandinsky are having a torrid lovers' quarrel. Make appt for tomorrow.
- •Unpack summer clothes from suitcase so I can use suitcase.Wonder why I got rid of extra suitcases. Try to determine perfect wardrobe to be warm enough, cool enough, casual enough, dressed up enough, cute enough to visit thousand year old buildings and see perfect strangers I'll never see again.
- •Remember to pack swimsuit.My rule for the ocean is as follows: If you go to the ocean, you get in the ocean. No. Exceptions.
- •Call sister to reassure her I will not let mom and dad blow off a cliff.Daily reassurance call since I foolishly mentioned last week that sometimes people are blown off cliffs.
- •Double check "HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND WITH AN IRISH CASTLE AND A NICE ASS" checklist my other sister gave me.Clarification: said husband would be for her. Just call me Yenta 🙄
- •Go grocery shopping.No list. What do I need? We are leaving in a few days so just the basics. Bread. Avocados. Wine. Look at wine. Text ex-husband about the time we thought we were awesome and drank Chianti all the time. He texts back. Reminds me we were living high on student loan refund checks. Good times. Now we are paying for it. Buy 3 bottles of wine, tissues, tub of ice cream. Text children to thank them for sticking to cheap beer.
- •Try to get a good night's sleep.Terrifying nightmares about roundabouts and not remembering which side of the road to drive on.