STORIES I TOLD MY KIDS WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE

Inspired by @tombatten
  1. Variations on The Three Little Pigs
    Basically the same story but the kids got to choose what the pigs' houses were made of, and I got to choose how the Big Bad Wolf was able to take them down. They got more creative as the kids aged, and the Wolf never defeated the green jello with razor blades house. He just went home and ate some vegetable soup and took a nap.
  2. Wynken and Blynken and Nod and Bushy and Bagot and Green -Super fun to say. Three kids is a good number to have when it comes to story-telling.
    Wynken and Blynken and Nod went out in a boat, cast their nets for starfish and traveled across the sea and ended up in Richard II. 😂 No, but they did end up playing with mirror children(thanks, Mr Pudgins) named Bushy, Bagot, and Green who were mischievous, put holes in the silver fishing nets, and tried to convince W, B, and N that the sky was the sea and they could catch the stars. WBN ended up saying "Well, look at the time!" and hightailed it for home in their little boat at the end.
  3. Bastardized Babar
    I'm possibly a horrible mom, but one day I was reading Babar and realized he marries his underage cousin and bilks an old lady out of her fortune. Then declares himself King of all the elephants and probably abuses that power. I ad-libbed most of the asides and commentary and the kids were laughing at my shocked expressions and voices, but I think(hope)most of it went over their heads. 😬
  4. It
    Used to read Stephen King and Dean Koontz to Darrel when he was a baby. I was trying to entertain us both. He's pretty smart and has a good vocabulary, so I stand by this, even if he is into crust punk.
  5. Peacocks at the zoo
    The Cincinnati Zoo has peacocks that just roam around the grounds freely, and one day I wondered what they did at night. When the kids were younger, they helped solve crimes at the zoo, missing food, lost animal babies, etc. but when the kids got older, the peacocks would have wild interspecies affairs and we would try to come up with the oddest combo babies we could, based on how accessible the exhibits were, peacock anatomy,
  6. And how likely the animal in question would be to want to eat the peacock vs. mate with it. (Purely subjective of course)
    We may have also debated the culinary ramifications of these hybrid baby animals for human consumption, and also if their novelty or their nutritional value had any potential worth to the bottom line of the zoo. 🤷‍♀️