WAYS I AM CURRENTLY FAILING

  1. Financially
    Ugh, it's always something. My oldest wrecked his car this afternoon. Again. My situation is lucky and privileged, and I know it, but I really miss my financial independence some days and I worry I'll never have it again.
  2. Physically
    Every time I think I'm feeling better and moving past things I get few bad migraine days in a row. I can feel the difference all over, my brain just doesn't fire properly for days after a bad headache.
  3. Emotionally
    I've been kind of on a roller coaster these past few months. I feel off my game and kind of stuck. I'm not happy as often and have to talk myself out of funky moods more often. Sometimes I think maybe I've been in a shell a long time and am waking up, but more often than not, this is a painful thing to do and I'm not sure I want it.
  4. Relationshiply
    I think this goes hand in hand with my financial independence. I like to be alone, but I'm not really ever alone. I'm free of the everyday pressures of kids and marriage that once weighed on me, but I'm still tied to those responsibilities without the day to day joy they once provided. I don't want romantic love, but sometimes I miss the give and take of that sort of relationship, the freedom and expression that a parent/child relationship just doesn't have.
  5. Careerly
    An interesting job in any field with an adult salary and flexible hours. lol that's not too much to ask, right? I don't know which path to choose. I feel I've chosen the wrong thing too many times to count. Strategy is not a strength of mine, I'm very good at taking the pieces I have now and doing the best I can with them, but I never think 5 steps ahead.
  6. Adultly
    Sometimes it feels like everyone is moving forward and being responsible and I just want to have fun and be happy but I'm left behind. It's nice to not have certain responsibilities but it's lonely too. I'm a mass of contradictions these days that I'm having trouble reconciling. My life has always been dichotomous and it feels more like that than ever now.
  7. Grammatically ⬆️
    Do I even care anymore? The thought of going to school and dealing with AP style again is EXHAUSTING.
  8. Intellectually
    I'm not as focused as I used to be. I know I can do things, but I don't actually do them as often. I worry that the next time I circle back around I won't be as good or competent.
  9. Humanely
    I like to volunteer and feel I'm doing some good. The last few places I've tried to make a difference just didn't work out. Maybe I'm expecting too much or selfish in hoping this will do me some good too instead of focusing on others, but so many things get under my skin. And my fervor for calling senators who never answer and who I believe will not change is waning and I feel so guilty about that. And some days I just don't give a shit about anyone but myself and I hate that apathy.
  10. Somnambully
    I do too much in my sleep and never get true rest. My dreams are bizarre and disturbing. I think it's just my brain trying to work things out at night, but it's having trouble working things out during the day too, when I'm around to help. I don't like to waste time and energy worrying, but sometimes the dreams worry me.
  11. Sexually
    Would consider an intelligent robot at this point. Bonus: would not feel the need to shave my legs or try to flirt. Bonus: could power it down and store in a closet-this is illegal for a real boyfriend I'm *fairly* certain. Drawback: expensive and a few years away from being lifelike enough. Bonus: no chance of accidentally shtupping someone who voted for that trump character.
  12. Nutritionally
    Guys, I just ate a cold hot dog, while standing in the glow of the microwave, waiting for a second hot dog to heat up. Not the good, all beef, angus kind or a relatively harmless veggie dog either. The nitrate filled, pig part kind.
  13. Hygenically
    There is still a tiny pile of dirt on my windowsill from the night I had to climb in my window, way back before I went to Europe. I cleaned my room this week, but left it there because I'm lazy and dirty.
  14. Culturally
    Haven't seen OITNB and don't really care.
  15. Ridiculously
    I've been using Vaseline pretty liberally on my legs where the poison ivy was because new skin growing is itchy and fragile. My skin heals slowly and I'm trying to keep it as protected as possible. So I'd just put on Vaseline, went to use the bathroom, and SLID OFF THE DAMN TOILET SEAT ONTO THE FLOOR AND THEN FREAKING CRIED AND THAT INSPIRED THIS WHOLE LIST. ALSO THATS WHY I NEEDED SALTY COMFORT OF THE HOT DOGS AND WHY I COULDN'T WAIT AND NEEDED THE COLD ONE.