WHY I WOULD PREFER TO HAVE A KANGAROO TAIL OVER GOING TO THE MOON

  1. The thought of being in a tiny spaceship, or even a large one, surrounded by the airless emptiness of space is terrifying to me.
    Which is weird because I love the idea of being on a sailboat out in the ocean, and I love scuba diving and it doesn't bother me at all, but the idea of all that space is overwhelming.
  2. You could go all the way to the moon, get out and jump around, plant a flag or two. And never touch its surface or breathe its essence. I think the spacesuit would ruin the experience for me.
  3. But
  4. A kangaroo actually has three features that, adapted for my needs, I would welcome as genetic/surgical/maybe even cybernetic body modifications.
  5. The powerful tail provides balance, propulsion, and honestly could be like a kickstand for my body, keeping me upright when I'm tired, providing handy tripod-like seating option at music festivals, in roller coaster lines, and while camping, and could be used as a defensive tool, knocking anyone who "got fresh" into next Tuesday
  6. Next:the pouch. I've always thought it would be fantastic to have a waterproof pocket/pouch in the outside of my thigh. Effective deterrent to thieves, removes the necessity of carrying a purse, makes up for lack of pockets in women's dresses and would be a great place to stash your keys and phone while swimming rather than leaving them on the sand
  7. Plus if you spilled cookie crumbs or wine in it, it's just regular waterproof skin on the inside too and you can wash it out
  8. The third modification I'd like would be a third arm that curls up along my stomach and side until needed. This is a stretch to compare to the joeys reaching out of their mommy's kangaroo pouches, but sometimes you need a theme for a list so you just go with it. Also, an extra hand when you need one? Priceless.
  9. Fun fact about kangaroos: a group of them is called a mob.
  10. Sorry this is so strange everyone. 🙈😬