THINGS I HAVE BEEN DOING INSTEAD OF WRITING LISTS

These last few weeks (5 really) have been brutal but it was the last one that really tore my heart out. This is not a cheerful list.
  1. Sitting on the damn expensive train between NYC and Philly
  2. Feeling sad
  3. Sitting in Temple University Hospital, worrying about my beloved Dad
  4. Teaching people about Pulmonary hypertension, which is evil and incurable
  5. Taking shitty Ubers in Philly
    It's hooptie central. Well except for one awesome lady driver who hugged me sweetly when dropping me off at the hospital.
  6. Getting super fat from hospital cafeteria food
    The scale says down but my arm fat and puffy eyes know better.
  7. Learning about palliative care and Hospice
  8. Figuring out the perfect spots for subway transfers during the rides between Williamsburg and Penn Station.
  9. Crying
  10. Catching up on work after hours
    You can accomplish a lot in a small amount of time when push comes to shove
  11. Writing Dad's eulogy
  12. Consoling Mom
  13. Letting Mom console me
  14. Getting drunk on nothing-special wine
    Decent wine is hard to find in Scranton PA
  15. Feeling sick
    Dear WebMD, did I catch a hospital based infection?!
  16. Not sleeping
    Except for last night when my sick stomach allowed me to avoid more than thirty visiting relatives and friends. I slept for thirteen hours.
  17. Trying not to eat anything from Auntie Anne's
    I know it's gross but I've been stockpiling buttery carbs
  18. Telling friends what to expect when they lose a parent
  19. Rolling my eyes each time someone mentions 'faith' or 'prayers'
    I'm not a bad person. But prayers don't make anything happen.
  20. Playing Words With Friends
    It's my therapy. Feel free to challenge me to a game.
  21. Missing NYC
    I left town a week ago with just the clothes on my back.
  22. Buying cheap clothes I'll probably never wear again
    Guilt by association. These clothes might have bad juju.
  23. Trying to figure out what life will be like without a dad 😢
  24. Taking consolation in the love and support of friends near and far
    I didn't think any of my non Scranton friends would come here for the funeral. I was wrong and now will do the same for my friends. I've been so touched.
  25. Missing Dad