THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME RECENTLY

In lieu of a normal social life
  1. I cuddled my favorite kitten under the guise of "socializing" her
    Allergies be damned
  2. Said kitten saw a big dog and freaked
    Her claws and my face made a hate connection
  3. I went home, showered, popped Benadryl and crashed
  4. Two hours later, my face looked like Rocky's in that Cher movie, Mask
  5. I went to urgent care
    They didn't judge me for kitten cuddling and gave me drugs that make me feel sweaty. Ew.
  6. I stopped at Two Boots for a slice
    ...which I dropped when I twisted my ankle in the way home.
  7. I skinned my knee too
  8. I canceled all weekend plans.